1: Enough: Good Enough for the Collective

Jessica Armstrong (00:00):

I really love, really, for me, getting this idea of treating enoughness as thinking of it as a way of being moderate. And in that moderation, as you would with chocolate or running, or anything that you indulge yourself in, we always hear, keep moderation or moderation is the healthy way.

Jessica Armstrong (00:21):

So, keeping that in mind is this idea of enoughness, and your energy, keeping it at a moderate level and wanting to keep that balance.

McKenzie Raymond (00:30):

Loved your example specifically of when you were in your basement, and you took that deep breath, and it reminded me that I can do that for myself right now. I can do that at any time, anywhere, wherever I am. And that just brings so much comfort to me.

Jessica Armstrong (00:53):

Welcome to the Good Enough Podcast, a podcast that takes you into a new realm by inviting you to reduce your daily hustle and celebrate yourself right here.

McKenzie Raymond (01:03):

Tune in as we dive deep into vulnerable topics and interview guests who deliver transformative moments to you, our community of individuals healing on a collective journey.

Jessica Armstrong (01:14):

We’ll open up to the art of embodied self-care, and even on the days that you feel like a self-sabotaging rebel …

McKenzie Raymond (01:21):

We’re here to remind you that in this realm, we are all good enough.

McKenzie Raymond (01:25):

I am feeling so happy to be here with you, just overjoyed to be making these dreams come true, sitting down and sharing our love of these powerful conversations with one another and the world now. It feels amazing.

Jessica Armstrong (01:47):

Oh my gosh, I know. I feel the same way. I can’t believe it’s been almost a year, if not more than a year, that we’ve talked about doing this and now we’re here and everything’s coming together, and it feels good. And yeah, I’m excited to start sharing all the goodness with our listeners and the world.

McKenzie Raymond (02:09):

So, welcome everyone who’s tuning in. As you can tell, we’re super excited that you’re here today. We thought it would be a good idea to just kick off the podcast with talking about the idea of good enough since after all, this is the Good Enough Podcast. So, Jessica, I’m going to just hand it over to you and let you introduce this concept.

Jessica Armstrong (02:34):

So, for me, as a millennial sister myself, grew up with that idea of maybe how much do I need to be for other people: how am I not being enough for my parents? How am I not being enough for my friends? How am I not being enough in school, on sports? I mean, just everything that was … Because I think I was so caring and loving and wanting to be a part of the collective, I was always striving to find that.

Jessica Armstrong (03:10):

And unfortunately, it’s really met with this — when you’re going after, trying to find enoughness from other people and you’re getting back negative results, then it starts to affect that mindset. And so, growing up for a long time, and it leaked into my adulthood, I had trouble making decisions, I had constant anxiety around trying new things.

Jessica Armstrong (03:38):

I really didn’t finish things because if anybody told me that I couldn’t do something or that I didn’t do that right, I would just immediately shy away and not do it anymore.

Jessica Armstrong (03:52):

I can think of like softball and dance, and then when it gets into adulthood, it really becomes a problem because it takes over your confidence, your self-worth, your self-love, which I think a lot of that was, it wasn’t really developed, that self-love and self-worth wasn’t really developed in the beginning.

Jessica Armstrong (04:17):

And now, even today, I find myself doing things for others and wanting, almost reaching for that perfectionism, making sure … because if I have it perfect, then they’re going to love it. Which obviously, most of us have found out is not the case because our idea of perfection is not somebody else’s.

Jessica Armstrong (04:42):

Just like how enoughness is not that subjective as well, I think that what we like and the idea that we believe is that we are all good enough from the start.

Jessica Armstrong (04:55):

Everything that we do each day, the way we show up, regardless of what that looks like — how we show up for other people is always going to be good enough for where we are in our present time. And that’s such an important thing to keep in mind and practice.

McKenzie Raymond (05:12):

Absolutely. Oh my gosh, I just so relate to so many of the things that you said, and it’s so comforting just to hear some of those things because it reminds me that I’m not alone in it either. And I think something that I was thinking about and that you brought up was the idea of finding enoughness through the lens of others maybe, or this idea of perfection.

McKenzie Raymond (05:39):

And I wasn’t even aware of it until, probably, well, I would say, the last three to five years. I’ve really been more aware in myself that I was always pushing and grinding for this idea of perfection and the pressure of that, that I would apply to myself.

McKenzie Raymond (06:04):

And not only that, but what I can recognize now is that by showing up in that way, like applying that pressure not only to myself, but then to my relationships and my expectations and the world around me, then all of my relationships were reflecting that back. And so, I would have my partners feeling like they couldn’t do enough.

McKenzie Raymond (06:23):

And so, it wasn’t until I really became aware of that, that I could even have this recognition of when I was doing that. I love what you said about like every day, the way that we show up is enough. And I think that is the practice that now, I’m working on because I still find that it’s the habit to slip back into noticing what I didn’t do right, or noticing how I didn’t do it enough, or how it should be or whatever.

McKenzie Raymond (07:01):

And so, recognizing that and then instead of creating a list of 10 things and picking out and just so completing nine, but being so disappointed I didn’t complete that 10th thing, now it’s like I’ve had to reframe and really recognize and acknowledge myself for even if it’s one thing in that day, celebrate it and let it be enough. And I would say that’s the hardest part.

McKenzie Raymond (07:29):

Because the pattern is to just feel for me, like, oh, enough is when I feel successful or productive or all of these things that I’ve been taught. And so, the practice of just bringing it in a little bit and I think really honoring the natural cycle that I’m in.

McKenzie Raymond (08:01):

So, if there’s a day where I am feeling really low energy, enough for that day might be just getting a couple emails out, or not even. It might be just sitting with my heating pad because my back is sore or taking a bath.

Jessica Armstrong (08:16):

Ooh, lovely. Yes.

McKenzie Raymond (08:19):

So, yeah, it’s not always easy though.

Jessica Armstrong (08:24):

No, and I think that idea of good enough for people may not seem good enough, if that makes sense. Because when we think of that term or you’re saying like, that’s good enough, then we’re still of course, searching for why is it only good enough? Or why am I still not reaching this invisible height that I’m supposed to?

Jessica Armstrong (08:52):

And I think that’s why we have to bring it back a bit because we’re overstimulating ourselves, our dreams, our futures, to a point where we’re getting overwhelmed or we’re getting stressed, and we’re procrastinating because we just can’t handle all of the things and we desire to be in this space.

Jessica Armstrong (09:21):

And even if it’s your passion and it’s something that you really want to be doing, if you can’t find that balance — for me, if I can’t find that balance where I can say, “Hey, I have done enough for today, it wasn’t everything that I wanted to complete, however, I know that’s going to still be there on the shelf for me to reopen tomorrow.” And that takes a lot.

Jessica Armstrong (09:53):

I’ve learned a little bit of that through therapy, but then also, coaching, which is a way that you and I really connected in the beginning, and you had really explained it beautifully was that what is enough for me today? Being able to ask myself that, what is enough for today, and can I feel good about this just being what I’ve finished, and being able to let the other stuff wait until tomorrow, and being able to practice that.

Jessica Armstrong (10:30):

And it is a practice, and it doesn’t always work. The being tired is always something that will really take me off course. However, the more aware of it I am, I’m able to practice it more.

Jessica Armstrong (10:47):

And this does give me not only a sense of balance because I’m allowing myself to have that rest time, but it’s also giving me back this courage, this being able to make decisions for myself, and being able to own my energy for the day. Being able to feel good about saying, “Hey, I did a good job, and I don’t feel overworked and overwhelmed. I’m going to rest well tonight and get back to it in the morning. Or however I feel the next day is what I’ll do then.”

Jessica Armstrong (11:25):

But it does eventually start working its way into your system and more than not, you make that decision for yourself, and you really feel good. Because you’re showing yourself love and you’re showing yourself care, and your body feels that. So, I think that’s the idea of what good enoughness is.

Jessica Armstrong (11:48):

It’s not about being great. It’s about deciding for yourself how to stay in that flow and that balance where you feel good, and you can receive and give.

McKenzie Raymond (12:01):

Yes. Oh my gosh, it’s so good. The idea of defining what enough is. And I think for me too, being able to have that authentic moment with myself where I’m really connecting to my heart and my integrity, like you were saying, so that I can feel good about whatever it was that was done. And I truly feel that sense.

McKenzie Raymond (12:30):

And I love what you were saying too about the stimulation and that it’s really kind of about moderation. And this is the idea actually that just popped up in this article, of course, last night as I was looking at some things. So, the word is, I’m probably going to totally butcher it, but it’s “lagom.” Have you ever heard of that?

Jessica Armstrong (13:01):

I don’t believe so.

McKenzie Raymond (13:03):

Okay. So, it’s a Swedish twist on the ancient idea that means “just enough.” And so, in the article they were kind of relating it to the story of Goldilocks and finding that perfect, just good enough. And to me, it totally represents in the examples that they were giving, moderation.

McKenzie Raymond (13:28):

And that also, really connects with me, as a yoga teacher and someone who really tries to practice enough in all aspects of my life or as many as I can. And I really appreciated, they actually took you into different examples of the idea of enough, like enough time in our lives, having enough time in our days, the idea of enough as we’re consuming, whether that be food or material things. Even in the photos, it almost like the photos felt very kind of clean and clutter-free, and minimalistic.

McKenzie Raymond (14:08):

And just that idea of what you were saying, of not the idea of just good enough, like it’s still not great. It still leaves us wanting more, but almost from this approach, like moderation so that we can all really have enough.

Jessica Armstrong (14:27):

Yeah, I think moderation is a great term to use, and I hadn’t even really thought of it that way, but it definitely — when I think just materials, being a consumer myself here in America, I have a lot of things and it was when my sister was coming to visit and our house, we’ve had this house for about three years now, and it was kind of in the midst of being able to do some cleaning and clearing out, which I really wanted to do.

Jessica Armstrong (15:01):

Like I really felt a little claustrophobic in my house because of all the things, especially when you have clothes that you keep hoping to wear again, one day, I literally got rid of all of those clothes. I’m like, “Don’t even look at them, don’t think about it, get rid of it. It’s not going to happen. Just let it go.”

Jessica Armstrong (15:24):

And that was a huge relief. Just looking at all the things that I had and clearing out so much of that stuff really made me think about what are these needs that I am filling here? Is it really that I need all of the stuff? Especially when you look at things you’ve literally never used.

Jessica Armstrong (15:49):

I mean, we had two of the same adapters that you plug into your car to get Bluetooth from your phone, we had two of the same one and I don’t even remember ordering those. And so, it was offensive to me almost. It was like a big wake-up call. I was like, “Alright, I need to relax and realize what I have in my home is completely enough.”

Jessica Armstrong (16:19):

Not to mention just the husband and the cats who are certainly enough, but the stuff, there’s enough of it. And it makes you really think about how you’re consuming and what you’re surrounding yourself with. Because really, the house becomes a metaphor for all the things that I’m not letting go of within me as well.

Jessica Armstrong (16:46):

And which went into just getting the house ready for my sister, that was another perfect reminder of being good enough because I literally had … I felt myself getting stressed out about it. It was wearing me out. I was like, “There’s too much to do.”

Jessica Armstrong (17:04):

And if I hadn’t been doing this practice for a while, it really probably would’ve shut me down, and I would’ve almost wanted to cancel her visiting altogether because that’s how much stress that can create when you’re not able to say, “Hey, whatever this place looks like when she gets here is going to be good enough and it’s going to be amazing no matter what.”

Jessica Armstrong (17:33):

Because what it’s about, is her coming to visit me and us spending some time together. And she’s of course going to arrive thinking the same thing, just happy to see me. So, that’s a big practice because you do have that old voice that’s like, “Oh, what about this, what about this?”

Jessica Armstrong (17:53):

Like you must think about every little thing, or “Oh my gosh, that corner is not completely spotless,” it’s enough to drive you mad. So, that’s the result from doing the practice that I got to see in real life recently.

McKenzie Raymond (18:11):

How did you, I guess know when you had reached, “Okay, I’ve done enough, I’m going to leave that dusty corner?”

Jessica Armstrong (18:19):

Probably, when I saw the dusty corner and I was like, “Come on Jessica, let it go.” But no, I think it was when I was really clearing out a bunch of stuff and taking it down to the basement and I think I was just looking at the boxes and I was going, “Oh, I need to stack these up so they look better.” And I was like, “This is literally our basement where we store stuff. I was like, “This is so much stuff that I just literally relieved myself from of having it in our living space.”

Jessica Armstrong (18:53):

We have plans to get rid of it, and that’s okay, and it can just sit there, and it’ll be okay because it’s not doing anybody harm. It’s not going to say anything bad about who I am, because I don’t have all of my stuff that’s stocked downstairs perfectly stacked or whatever’s coming up.

Jessica Armstrong (19:15):

But it’s that spiral that you get into. And I think that’s when I started noticing, I start to get aware when I’m actively concerned about something and/or I notice that I’m really overthinking something. So, I’m like, “Okay, let’s take a moment, breathe, what’s happening here, and is this necessary?” And I think that was kind of that breaking point there.

McKenzie Raymond (19:41):

Beautiful. What a great example. And it feels very similar for me. Like I will catch myself being very much in my head, I’m probably not breathing as deep as I could be because I’m not breathing deep into my belly or my body. So, noticing when it feels like I’m kind of spending extra energy just ruminating on like you said, the spiral of what people think of me if my boxes are not stacked or whatever the thing is.

Jessica Armstrong (20:17):

Oh, yeah, it’s dangerous. The thoughts that come in — my boxes aren’t stacked well, they’re not the same color. Oh, my goodness, this is stuff that we tell ourselves, you know.

McKenzie Raymond (20:29):

Totally. So, yeah, I mean, I love the next step of taking a deep breath, becoming aware of that, becoming aware of, okay, the overthought, the spiral, bringing it back with a deep breath. And then it sounds like you really were able to kind of just let it go, close that basement door, and then have fun with your sister, and let the dusty corner be enough too.

Jessica Armstrong (20:55):

Yes. Absolutely. I think we have to be able to do that for ourselves, it’s really self-care. I mean, and a lot of it, this is the same when it kind of came with my husband, and I and the way that we were communicating and we’re very good at doing that. And learning from how we’re communicating with each other.

Jessica Armstrong (21:16):

But obviously, it took time to get there, and you’d argue. And my biggest thing was like, “I don’t want to feel like this.” I don’t want to feel this energy especially when I’m looking at the person who I love so much. I’m like, “I don’t love this feeling.” And I think that’s a big part of it too, is when I’m aware of this feeling that really doesn’t feel good.

Jessica Armstrong (21:43):

I want to help my mind and body not have to feel that way because that’s really exhausting for our whole makeup and that energy can really latch on and stay with us. And I think really trying to … Once you can be aware of it, once you can be like, “Okay, I’m going a little far in this argument, I’m starting to feel really, really frustrated, I can’t breathe, my mind’s not even making sense anymore — am I even listening to him or myself anymore? Like what are we doing here?”

Jessica Armstrong (22:22):

And I think being able to say that and being able to maybe put the ego aside a little bit and stop and just be like, “Hey, I need a break. I need to walk away and cool down.” Or even just saying, “Hey, can we pull this down a bit? I think it’s getting too heated.”

Jessica Armstrong (22:41):

I like the walkaway time because I need a moment to myself to get perspective. But it’s one of those things when you start having awareness around it and you can start practicing what works best for you in those situations to bring yourself back to your enoughness.

McKenzie Raymond (23:00):

And I think that the more that we can do that, the easier it becomes. And I think specifically, in different areas of our life too, I might be able to — one of my biggest lessons and learning enough was in owning my own business and having to define that for myself because no one else is going to and I will just work and work and work, and not eat dinner and be at my laptop or whatever.

McKenzie Raymond (23:27):

And I love your example of bringing that into relationship as well because it’s like these threads. We might be able to practice and feel confident in one area of our life, but maybe in another, it’s a whole ‘nother story. And so, I love your example and just knowing that wherever you are right now, it’s okay and it’s enough.

McKenzie Raymond (23:53):

And I think as I became more aware, I also had to practice just accepting and loving that I wasn’t aware before. And that’s okay too.

Jessica Armstrong (24:08):

That’s okay. I loved the idea of we don’t always know how we get to certain places or we don’t know why somebody else reacts to something, and we don’t always know why we have trouble finding that balance or enoughness until we’re aware of it. And there’s a lot of times that until somebody helps us find that or open that door, then we won’t be aware.

Jessica Armstrong (24:36):

And so, reminding us that it’s okay that we didn’t know. Because you can’t know what you don’t know. I mean, if nobody ever told you … And really that’s a lot of responsibility even from the parents.

Jessica Armstrong (24:51):

Because I think a lot of us grew up without having good conversations consistently about our emotions and about our hormones, and growing up, and about how creative we can be, or about what our future can look like and allowing us to even express ourselves in that way.

Jessica Armstrong (25:10):

So, there’s really this box that we’re kind of trying to find ourselves out of to find more meaning. I think a lot of us are doing that now, especially in our thirties. And that’s what we really are trying to discover is, how we can navigate our life a little easier and find that joy. And it’s really about finding somebody who can help you open those doors and discover that awareness.

McKenzie Raymond (25:47):

I think your perspectives are so beautiful, and I think for me, it’s just brought me such great peace to be able to not only practice enough for my own self, but also, to know that other people are also practicing or doing their best. And I believe that we’re doing enough based off what we know, and so our enough might look totally different years from now, and we’re more evolved and aware and have healed through more.

McKenzie Raymond (26:25):

But I think also, for me, it really has brought me peace to just recognize that whoever in my past or present are also doing enough, and that what they provided or how my life looked, it is enough because it’s brought me here. And I really do feel that some of our greatest traumas or pain or feelings of not enoughness can really also bring us to our greatest awarenesses and revelation sometimes.

Jessica Armstrong (27:09):

You know, it’s really true. I think learning from … it’s just like mistakes or failures, if you will. Like people say, you have to learn from those. And really, it’s true. I think at the very bottom of that idea is that we really need to accept where we are now, accept others for where they are at this point, and giving ourselves grace, giving others grace, and allowing all of us to feel that we are good enough where we are is really the concept.

Jessica Armstrong (27:46):

And it takes all kinds of things to make that happen as a collective for sure. But I think keeping that intention with us allows us to be more aware of the things we do throughout the day and how we honor our enoughness and others.

McKenzie Raymond (28:08):

Yeah, absolutely.

Jessica Armstrong (28:10):

Well, I really loved this conversation for our first episode. The idea of good enough is so near and dear to our hearts. And I really loved, really for me, getting this idea of treating enoughness as thinking of it as a way of being moderate.

Jessica Armstrong (28:32):

And in that moderation, as you would, with chocolate or running or anything that you indulge yourself in, we always hear, keep moderation or moderation is the healthy way. So, keeping that in mind is this idea of enoughness and your energy, keeping it at a moderate level and wanting to keep that balance. So, I loved that idea.

McKenzie Raymond (28:58):

Loved your example specifically, of when you were in your basement, and you took that deep breath and it reminded me that I can do that for myself right now. And I can do that at any time, anywhere, wherever I am. And that just brings so much comfort to me.

McKenzie Raymond (29:18):

And I’m so excited to be here to share this idea of enough and being enough and good enough with our listeners. And I hope that each of you take a little something away from our time together today. And however you received this episode, just knowing that it is perfect and it is enough, and you are absolutely enough today.

Jessica Armstrong (29:45):

Beautiful. Thank you.

McKenzie Raymond (29:50):

This time is precious to you. And because we are insanely joyful that you are spending it with us, we always want to deliver authentic, vulnerability, and dive deep into what we are feeling as a collective.

Jessica Armstrong (30:03):

Our intention is to bring you stories and guests that provide you the opportunity to discover aha moments, so you leave our conversations feeling lighter and knowing what you do today will be good enough.

McKenzie Raymond (30:16):

We love to connect, follow us on social media by following our handles linked in the show notes. If you enjoyed this episode, share it with a friend, rate, review and follow the Good Enough Podcast on Spotify, Apple Music, or your favorite podcast listening app, so you never miss an episode.